It’s hard to reconcile our lives on days like this. We’re told to live like there’s no tomorrow. Follow our passions to the fullest. That we only get one go on this Earth. However, with these notions come a sense of responsibility. To do what’s right. To be selfless and take care of those we love, no matter the cost or personal sacrifice. Especially when it comes to family.
I’ve always tended to be a bit on the selfish side, and I’ll always carry a level of guilt with me for moving away from home. I know you are proud of me, however I also know there’s nothing you wouldn’t have done for me to be closer. Though you can rest peacefully in knowing your spirit lives on through me and will continue so until the day we’re reunited. The strong, while at times harsh, sense of honesty and wit. Your commitment to your beliefs. The desire to live life with purpose and on your terms. An unapologetic attitude for who you were, your roots and your path have all shaped and made me the person I am today.
In everything there is balance. As such, there must be balance between following our own hearts, as well as fulfilling our obligations as friends, family, and humans, who were all put here to help each other pull through to the other side. Perhaps I failed at finding this balance with you, a burden I will carry with me the rest of my life. A hard lesson learned, and a little too late, though be it one I will never take for granted or forget.
I love you Grandma. I’ll always cherish the times we had together. I’m sorry I didn’t call as often as I could have. I promise to drive carefully and be good.
Forever yours, with a heavy, grieving heart.